A few jokes I was asked to invent at dinner in honor of St. Patrick’s Day:

Q: What do you call half a potato in a small bowl of tepid water?
A: An Irish Martini.

Q: What is the difference between an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman?
A: When an Englishman speaks, anyone in the English speaking world can understand him. When a Scotsman speaks only Scottish people can understand him. When an Irishman speaks, he can’t even understand himself.

Suppose you steal a potato from an Englishman, an Indian, and an Irishman…. Upon discovering the missing potato…
The Englishman says: “I wasn’t in the mood for potatoes anyway.”
The Indian says: “What happened to the most delicious ingredient in the world?”
The Irishman says: “Me family’s gonna die!”

Q: What’s the difference between an Irish Catholic and an Irish Protestant?
A: They don’t know either, but it’s a matter of life and death.

Q: What do people in Idaho call an Irishman?
A: A damn good customer.

Q: What do you call a drunk Irishman?
A: An Irishman.

In serious though, I love the Irish. <3 Happy St. Pat’s!